The Husband had a stroke one year ago today. Our New Year, our 2015, started off like nothing we ever expected. And this is all we have to say about that:
It sucked. It sucked. It sucked. IT SUCKED!!!! Blah.
Two nights ago, I didn’t fall asleep until 3:30AM. This was after several glasses of wine and 3 sleeping pills. The emotion from almost one year ago was manifesting itself and rumbled through my veins like The Anxiety Express. It continued picking up speed as the wee hours of the morning slowly ticked in my head. I derailed.
And then last night I crawled into our cozy bed, The Husband wrapped around me, listening to and feeling his breath, and I slept like a baby.
This is why. A sunset.
Yesterday, at sunset, I stopped everything I was doing to contemplate life and breath and everything. Relinquishing control. I mentally said, “Stop it. Stop this. STOP the damn anxiety train! Stop trying to mentally control what may or may not happen to me or to The Husband or anyone else for that matter. It’s making me physically ill! Live in the day. Look at this Universe.”
And then, it happened. It all came to a screeching mental freight-train halt. My spastic mind quit pinging from one disastrous scenario to another and my nauseated stomach quit lurching inside of me. My shallow breaths deepened and I felt an overwhelming calm. Those moments, taking the time for personal stillness, reflection, reality, solitude and a sunset – made all the difference for me.
A sunset speaks to me as a closing and also an opening of a day. A closing reflection for today. An opening reality for tomorrow. Reflection and realities – sometimes they suck, but sometimes they are incredible. The Anxiety Express WILL absolutely find its way back to me and I’ll be anxiously waiting at the station to climb on board. But last night, I was able to get back on track.
So, thank you for sharing your year with me. Thank you for giving thought to yourself and finding Zenitude. Each year offers us light, hope and wonder. I wish you a very Happy New Year, Zen Friends! May YOU be writing about incredible things next year at this time.
Zenitude for today:
Reflection and realities. Breathe your possibility.