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Gangstah CMac

Zenitude #46 : Big Girl Bra, Gangsta Boxing Gloves, Tango Shoes & Colors

The first week of 2016 marked the first of some really fun stuff.

Watercolor lessons

Tango lessons with The Husband

Kickboxing class

First casting call

I’ve painted with acrylics before and have enjoyed it. My paint-by-numbers set was super fun times. Watercolors go like this. Brush, brush into water, brush into paint, watery blob on paper. Mix and repeat. Stop, stop, stop the color from spreading!!! Okay, so let’s mix paint colors to get that just right grassy color. Mud...More mud. Add white. Start over. Look mom, I’ve created a ginormous saucer of blobby mud! And so it went. I should’ve just poured water over the paper, created a run of colors, titled it “Blobby Mud Abstract,” and signed my name. I have 5 more lessons.

So, the tango lessons. You would think that 8 simple steps would be easy peasy. After all, in my past life, a gazillion years ago, I was a Zumba instructor. I can do this. Step front, step side, step back. Collect. Step, step, step, step, step. Stumble over feet. Stumble over The Husband’s feet. Add a dramatic twirl to make my skirt flare like a princess and act like I’m totally getting these moves. So, after an hour and 20 minutes of repetition, we were finally kind of getting it. And loving it. We have 7 more lessons.

Next up. Kickboxing class. As Fergie sings, “I be up in the gym working on my fitness.” In my last blog of the year, I mentioned traveling into parts unknown for Fitness2016 because I have been B-O-R-E-D, bored. One of my attempts at fitness for the New Year is kickboxing – a real bag. A really, really big bag. With kick-ass boxing gloves. No prissy air kickboxing for this girl. I want to hit stuff! Hard! I feel so damn gangsta! Except now I am bruised. I am really loving the kickboxing classes – all three of them that I’ve limped to – and Allen at CKO Laguna is a kick-ass, motivating instructor. But that whole roundhouse kick to the top of the bag is like, “Hello, Mr. Shin, let me introduce you to Mr. Cement.” And the knee strikes – I look like white chick doing the Running Man dance move. So outside of the bruises on my shins and the fact that I can’t breathe and may hurl, I am loving the challenge. Check back for updates on Ninja Girl Kicks and Tricks. Someday, that bag is going DOWN. I’m going to own this shit.

Last but not least, my first casting call. Let me introduce you to The Pageant of the Masters in Laguna Beach, California. An annual production that began in 1932. It’s a ninety-minute stage show of “living pictures.” “It is world-renowned…incredibly faithful art re-creations of classical and contemporary works with real people posing to look exactly like…the original pieces. The volunteers… pose in the artworks frozen for 90 seconds as a narrator provides the story and a live orchestra performs.” At last guesstimate, a quarter of a million people from all over the world attend in an 8-week span of time. So, I and about 15 million other people went for the casting call. Let me tell you, they have this down to a perfect science. A perfect micro-science. Get form. Fill out form. Form asks “will you pose nude?” Onto measurements. Geez Louise. I didn’t know there could be so many measurements of the human body. I think they wanted to measure my ear lobes, teeth, possibly my kidneys, but decided that might be too much. At one point, the “measurement lady” found it humorous that I told her not to count my chest measurement as I had my “big girl bra on and my boobage was completely deceiving her.” Next step. Shoes off taking a picture with “your number” and your height behind you (not to be confused with your police mug shot). The end. In all, a total of about 15 minutes. Maybe. So I have until June to find out if I make the cut. The experience was totally fun no matter what and I went on a casting call. So, hmmmmpf...

There you have it, my Zen friends. Where did I put my Zen the first week of 2016? I put it into tango, watercolor, kickboxing and a casting call. The rest of the year is only going to get better! Stay tuned.

Zenitude for today:

Keep on finding your firsts in life.

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